I feel really, really bad. I mean, really bad. I've been silent all day, and I feel like as soon as my mom comes home from chicago and asks me about this, Im going to crack, freak out and start bawling or something. SO, I got this email from my science teacher today telling me that I had two infractions from my mid unit four quiz. They were "cheating and plagiarizing". But let me explain. This is what happened. So, midway through the online test, I came across this essay. And the question just did not make sense to me. I looked through my textbook for a while for an answer (keep in mind, with pacyber you are allowed to use your text book during homework). So I searched through the glossary of the book, the index, the recent chapters I was leaning about, and I just could not figure out where to find it, and I didnt remember learning about it at all and I was really confused. SO I decided to stop my quiz for a few minutes and do some online research, which I thought was ok, since we were allowed to use our book. I guess I was just not thinking. Normal, stupid Zoe behavior. So, I typed in a few keywords on google, and this "yahooanswers" link popped up. Sometimes I use yahooanswers to ask some questions related to schoolwork when I need help, but I didn't know that that was bad. And the link that came up from google was my EXACT essay question, asked from some yahooanswers user. I was like "woah! cool! thats like the same question!" and somebody answered it in their own words. I figured wow, thats the closest to ever knowing what they are talking about since I couldnt even find it in my book. So, I read their answer, then typed it out in my own words. I wasnt thinking "Oh, I'm stealing their idea" at all. And I really thought I had put it into my own words enough! But today I get this email, sending me back to the yahoo link I had looked at before, and my teacher telling me that I had plagiarized from this source. I was shocked. I thought "Oh my God, I'm the bad kid. That bad kid who plagiarizes. That bad kid who cheats. That stupid kid who can't think. That horrible student who can't think for themselves". I went straight to bashing myself. I emailed her back and said I took complete and full responsibility for cheating. Even though I didn't know I was cheating...which is really really dumb of me. And I told my teacher that her class matters to me! my Schoolwork matters to me! I DOn't want to be a cheater! I don't want to be a Plagiarizer! I don't want to be "the bad student"!. I feel TERRIBLE. She was mad at me and I'm sure shes going to tell my Instructional supervisor about this who I have a good relationship with who thinks Im a good student. What will she think of me now? My mom got ane mail as well. She's in Chicago on a business trip supposed to be working and concentrating and she gets bothered by me? getting an email saying I was a plagiarizer? What doese my mom think of me? Her own daughter a filthy cheater? All I could do was send my mom the email I sent back to my teacher. I felt horrible. I'm humiliated too. I don't want to be thought of as a cheater. I dont want my mom to tell her co-workes "I just got an email informing me that my daughter plagiarized on a test!" I dont want all the adults I know well who trust and love me to think Im a bad kid now. And all for an essay that needed to me THREE sentances long. THREE. just three. I wasnt thinking it was a big deal! In fact I didnt even know it wasnt allowed to research online if we were allowed to look up answers in our texbooks, I thought "well Im cyberschooled, what other than to use the internet for resources right?". No. Im retarded. I'm a freaking idiot who makes stupid mistakes all the time and...ugh sometimes I just hate myself. I mean really hate myself. I used that person's idea and I knew it. I just thought that if I put it into my own words it was okay. I feel...like really really bad. And I know that if anyone reads this you guys will probably be angry at me too...or dissapointed or something. Thinking "why would she do that?" "thats not the girl I thought I knew" and I feel bad that you guys will probably think that if you read this. I'm not bad, and I really dont want anyone to think any less of me even though you probably will. Which is a terrible feeling. I just.....I don't know. This whole situation makes me feel like I deserve to go to jail or something.