Intelligent thoughts at paneras. Not.

So, I'm currently not at my normal blogging place, but rather at a paneras. Which is also cool. What did I get? I got an asiago bagel with a strawberry smootie. HECK YES. It was good good good. I was diligently....or diligently trying to do work when some thoughts started popping up in my head. This weekend I saw a lot of..loving going on. And It got me thinking about my own life. I've had one boyfriend in the past, but that is in the past, and now that that's over I havent felt that kind of love in a long, long time it seems. And although that relationship seemed to be strong and lasted a long time, I don't think that I understood love the way I do now. I was young, and althought it was great while it lasted, it felt hollow at the same time. But I feel like I understand love now, even though I have never experienced it full on. And now every time I think of that relationship it's not as important to me because I know everyone has their firsts, and that first was a good experience and it taught me even thought it didnt last forever. And it's not to say that I think I NEED that kind of love in my life, because being single has it's greatness. But for me, I kind of like someone new right now. And I'm feeling bad lately about not being able to get to know him better or hang out. I'm almost afraid that if our friendship doese eventually over time grow to be the start of a new realtionship, that he wont want to be with me because I am always so busy. But I feel like I enjoy being with him enough to quit other things in my life to get to know him better. Also, I worry about telling the next guy I date that I have had a boyfriend in the oast, for fear that if they have not that they won;t want to date me or ask me out because they think I am more "experienced" or whatever and don't want to feel like a loser or inexperienced or something. I dont think of myself as being anywhere NEAR expert level. my one anf only first relationship taught me a few things that can only make me better at being a girlfriend and I want them to think that instead of thinking something else. I don't know...
I just wish I got to hang out with this guy more often. I mean I really think I am starting to seriously like him even though we dont talk that often. Another thing is that I kind of get the vibe that he is the "let's just be friends type" and so I wouldnt want to push letting him know how awesome I think he is as so not to freak him out which would only make him distance me even more.
So, for now I'm just laying low, talking whenever I can with him, but staying chill about it. If he ends up liking me the same way I like him, great. awesome. But I won't push it. We'll just have to see. I'm just going to let life take me where it will and see where I end up. If only things were easier....